In Growing + Learning, Our Little Life on
November 17, 2015

About Last Week

I’m not really sure how to lead into a post such as this. My strangely sarcastic-in-the-face-of-tragedy self contemplated using the lines from Fresh Prince of Bel Air, because well – our lives did get twist turned upside down. But I won’t, because that’s ridiculous. What happened in the days between Wednesday and Saturday of last week was the most contradictory marriage of chaos and peace, and it’s honestly still a little difficult for me to retell the stories. I think that’s understandable, having faced the potential end of my 2nd favorite human’s life. But my village showed up in ways that I still can’t even comprehend, and I know people want to know what happened, and I want to tell you! You prayed and checked in and showed up and fed us and I want you to know why all of that was necessary. So I’ll just start at the top:

Pacey Claire had had a cold for about a week. Nothing serious, benign to the point that I hadn’t even contemplated taking her to see her pediatrician. Wednesday she woke up feeling a little warmer than usual, but I knew she had some molars coming in and her temperament was fine, so again – I wasn’t worried. As the day went on, I found her to be a little more lethargic that her usual non-stop self. By 4 o’clock she was exhausted and laying in my lap. The fever came on quick, one moment she was fine and the next she was on fire. On fire enough for me to pull her head out of my chest and look at her. I could tell in that moment that something wasn’t right. Her eyes were blank and her neck was stiff and she wasn’t responding as I yelled her name and lightly shook her. By the grace of God, my sister was 2 minutes from our house, on her way to pick something up. I called her in hysterics, telling her I didn’t know what was wrong with Pacey but she needed to get here. We got in the car and faced 5 o’clock traffic on Essen to try to get to Our Lady of the Lake’s pediatric ER. I can’t even talk about how long this took (is nothing being done about the complete inaccessibility of that hospital?) By the time we got there and Jeremy met us, Pacey was fine. I mean fine. Playing, talking, laughing. We called my father, a neonatal nurse practitioner, and he told us it sounded like she had had a febrile seizure, that the doctors would probably just send us home. So we didn’t go in. We turned around and headed back to the house. We were shaken up, but confident she was okay. Ha.

Read more

In Growing + Learning on
March 26, 2015

Finding Purpose

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound
-Isaiah 61:1

After I read this verse, I right away looked up the definition of the word anoint. I mean, I know the meaning, but I wanted a more tangible, written out meaning than what was floating around in my head. To consecrate or make sacred, to dedicate to the service of God. This lead me to 1 John 2:27, “As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit – just as it has taught you, remain in him.” This really stuck with me. I’ve been kind of wrestling around with my purpose lately, knowing that it’s more than just being a mother and a wife, even though those things are huge and amazing. I know there is more. I recently stepped down as a contributing writer for the mom blog I’ve been working for, and suddenly felt like I no longer had a platform. Like I wouldn’t be heard. Even though it was definitely the right decision for me and my sanity at this time, the wheels started turning. Do I need to become part of a ministry with a name and cute logo? Do I need to expand my business, start taking on more clients? Am I really putting out my full potential as a person and vessel for the Lord? The fact that I get to stay home  with my daughter is still unreal to me. My prayer is that there is never a day that passes that I am not thankful for the blessing it is (even on the days that she poops all over her carseat and I haven’t eaten yet and it’s 4 o’clock and I’m completely overwhelmed). I find purpose in shepherding her little heart and life well. In loving and serving my husband as the church loves and serves Jesus. But I know for a fact that it pleases the Lord to see me serve him outside of my home and my family, I was just struggling to grab hold of what that looks like in mama world (although I’m fairly certain I grappled with this in college student world, recent graduate world, newlywed world, etc). And in reading this verse, I could hear the still but clear voice of the Lord reminding me of why I’m here.

Read more